From the Endomorph:

I guess it’s time to do a little pictorial update again.
It feels as if I have been training for a millennium and every now and then I get heated under the collar that I don’t look like
a Andrew Christian underwear model yet!!
Actually I haven’t been training … properly… for very long at all and the new pics I took at gym 2 days ago gives me a little hope again and a little renewed inspiration.
I find that self pics are a better reflection of progress than the scale (personal opinion only – motivation should be inspired by whichever means work best for you) and have stopped weighing myself completely. The reason I stopped doing this was that it made me feel frustrated and anxious not to see the pounds dropping off each time I got on the scale.
I now take a visual weight measurement which makes me feel more secure in my progress.
I try to do the pics in the same size of shirt as I started out with – of the same brand.
Besides the pics I can also feel the difference in my everyday attire, and ease of movement.
I would still like to look like an Andrew Christian underwear model though – lol – and since I have given up trying the 12 week miracle transformation routines and have started focusing a little more on the step by step, one day at a time kind of routines, I have taken a breath – enjoyed some awesome sessions and some pretty good results.
The proof is in the pudding not being quite as wobbly as before and thats proof enough for me.
I should have probably done the whole holding up a newspaper thing, but it’s been tough enough going to gym in a pair of bike shorts without the added embarrassment of holding up a newspaper haha !
That along with the fact that I am not selling a 12 week ┬ásolution means I’ll just keep posting until I think it’s enough of the raggedy pics and have promised myself that I will put a picture of myself in a pair of skimpy briefs in another 6 months – win or fail …. just to keep me on track , I promise to post it with a warning beforehand so no one will loose their lunch involuntarily, and if it’s hot the world can just kiss my Endo-ass !
Here’s to hoping !

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“The dark stare of the gym-gods”


from the Endomorph:
Nothing is more sad than weighing inn after a month and finding your weight is exactly, I mean to the decimal of where it was before.
It feels as if someone has stuck a hypodermic needle in my stomach and filled it with formaldehyde !
It also feels as if the gym gods have turned their backs on me and have dropped me in some kind of sick state of suspended animation.
I have not lost a single ounce of weight over the past month.
I have cut out sugars,
milk,
bread,
cheese,
fries,
SODA,
and still …. nothing ??
It’s almost heartbreaking to me, even if I weighed in at 2kg’s lighter, I would have been less disheartened !
What now,
do I simply stop all of this, except my fate and walk away !!
I have done that my entire life …. accepted things and walked away.
I accepted abuse as a young adult and lived with it for 10 years before I finally did something about it.
I have walked away from opportunities than I can count because I had no faith in myself or the world around me.
I have given up on so many things and so many people in my life that it can easily said that I have given up on myself.

In the instance where a parent turns away from us, or a spouse severely abuses us, perhaps we can place the blame for a very short time in the hands of another.
However when we just give over to the “FEELING” of defeat and walk away from opportunity because we are not looking for another way to achieve out goals, then there is no where to put the blame but in our own hands.
I don’t want to walk away from something I believe in for once just because it hasn’t turned out exactly the way I intended for it to do.
The condition that my body is currently in is the result of lifestyle choices I have made over the past couple of years, something I did to myself.
I should know better than most that abuse inflicted on the human body cannot be undone in the single space of a month where the neglect suffered continued for such an extensive period of time.
I didn’t look after my diet for at least 36 months.
I ate without consequence and drank about 8 litres of “Coke Zero” on an average day.
I poisoned myself, and now…. I am angry about it, and don’t get why the weight is not just melting away like ice.
I have little option but to seek penance in the eyes of the “gym-gods” and hope at some point of time perseverance and dedication will pay off.
I am not going to just give up so easily this time.
Walking away from fitness means turning my back on myself, on hope for myself and most likely a better life.