Rhino’s Rest

from the endomorph:

winter has come to cape-town as quickly as the year has come to the end of it’s 5th month.
i am definitely not the best blogger in the universe, but sometimes it is better to say something worth saying than just saying anything at all.
where my updates as a blogger has lagged, i have gained memento at gym … i.o.w i am still going with the frequency one would expect from a naggy  whiney “endomorphic” blogger.

i have cardio’ed and weighted at 5am in the morning if i could not go in the afternoons, taken on the cold and dark of winter like a herculean champion.
with results i might add!
i have halved my body fat, managed to waste 15kg thus far and best of all … managed to deflate my little puffer fish face in to a mor recognisable form.
i have gathered from friends that it now looks less like i may be in need of a training bra to keep my moons from jiggling !
oh the boobie battle !!
i am sure any girl half my age would kill for a set like mine, but i personally could do without the garbo cleavage.

even though i have had to dig old jeans out of the “never to be forgotten” part of my closet and have had an awesome plumbers crack in some of my newer pairs, i must admit to still having a little “sumo” going on around the waist and moob area.
somewhere between 33 & 35 my body seems to have lost the ability to burn off that sexy kangaroo pouch in the front.
it looks like i have been coupon hoarding around my stomach for the last 5 years and now my endomorphic body is slightly less willing to clear out the basement of stacked shelves just in case we need to go into hiding for armageddon.
sadly there is no quick cure for a flabby abbies,
let me narrow down your searches and save you millions in miracle cures …
for endomorphic midriff destruction – 1mm at a time – you will have to do a combination of hi intensity cardio in combination with weight training and erm… intermittent starvation … kill me now for saying that … seems it really is true … not eating sporadically for about 12 hours seems to really work (should you also be crazzzzzy enough t0 do this for a month or a couple of weeks please have at least to meal replacement shakes somewhere throughout the day. this will prevent fainting, fatigue and most likely violence directed toward others)

the other horror to loosing a fat belly may be hidden in the most dreaded of all workouts … “legday”.
“legday” will not only tighten your tusch,  it will also flatten your flab.
exercising legs will get to your core, one notices this quite easily just by the amount you sweat, it’s like being glued on a stationary bike from hell.
but … for me … it works !
i call “legday” the gym’s condom … kills the sexy … proves effective!

besides hopefully when we get all ripped and toned one day we will hopefully have the legs to match our biceps so that we may be able to avoid looking like someone has gone to sit on the edge of a cheap inflatable pool .
i am not a big legs man, for me it’s all in the arms but nothing kills a stiffie like spotting a hottie that’s all muscly on top, veiny and buff, and then you glance downward and he has your polio cousin moira’s legs.
so many of them at my gym … so strange … it’s like building a magnificent house in the right neighbourhood and then filling the garden with tortured little gnomes.

still … i should not point a finger … since i have spent most of the past two years looking like a badly drawn boy.
what i have to show for it is endless hour spent at work, and a repertoire of endless series watched from season 1 – infinity …
i would have rather been muscly on top !

yet we are the endomorphs, powerhouses of slow determination, when we get going we ar like rhino’s
nothing can stop us from horning our way trough thorny bushes and difficult days.
we are a force unto ourselves –
we storm our victories, hit our goals with shattering force … be we pissed off enough !

this year for me so far has been strained with emotion, hard truths and inner conflict.
connecting with my body has been a fantastic challenge.
yet when all the muddy water is cleared and you can find a place to see through the surface there is a place of hope in everything.
tears will dry away.
a broken heart will mend.
and a neglected body will rebuild itself.
all these things are workouts of a different kind, but we must do the work.
none of them happen by themselves, nothing ever does, it’s the law of nature, everything needs something to grow.

this is a note to myself more than to anyone else …
but if someone else is moved by this …
then I am happy. IMG_3934 IMG_3935

“spin me thin”

From the Endomorph:

photo(53)

Read it and weep … I am still going to gym …
The last pics I took all cam out a little blurry, think there might have been a few drops of sweat on the lens.
Anyway, I have been keeping (mostly) to my program and a couple of weeks ago, I started to get fed up with the same treadmill marathon that I had been in each day and decided to get on a bike ….
I hated it that first day, it was hell!!
As most chance meetings go, you may not quite be into the nose of the person that is sitting opposite you, or they may be brunette when you really only like blonds etc, but then after the second or third meeting you start having conversations with that person in your head, and start wondering what they would think of something you like and secretly you start hoping that they would like it too even thought they don’t have a nose like a button or dared to be brunette when you like blond.
Well that was my meeting with the stationary bike and cycling – a bicycle that you pedal and doesn’t move. A bicycle that makes you sweat harder than the poor sods that slapped together the pyramids of Giza and has you so aware of your out of shape, knee hitting stomach that you are tempted to un-saddle and commit Hari-Kiri right there by shoving a protein bar in your eye.
Still the oddest thing happened … I fell hopelessly in love with this no-wheeled machine of torture!
I can’t wait till it’s (what I now call it at home) #Spinning Time !!
I am currently on an hour per session and own a pair of red inner bicycle pants ! (Real men wear spandex you judgemental bastards)
Fine only ever wear bicycle shorts out in public if you are actually intending to get on some sort of bicycle within 30min of putting them on, otherwise it really is quite weird, verging on creepy and plain wrong.
Still, the are great if you have a bony ass and your gonna sit pedalling for an hour straight! Saves you from looking like you have Elephantitis in your balls the following day !
And my legs… Lord I got me some pretty man-sticks all of a sudden !!

I started using HIIT in combination with my workout and it definitely helps  to target that stubborn “endomorph” belly fat –
I think I actually look a little odd at the moment, my stomach is a lot smaller and even my “moons” a little but now I seem sort of awkwardly built and even more out of proportion than before!
I really hop that this is not a permanent and lasting shape but one that will even out eventually- please God !
Otherwise I will be known as the guy with the hot legs and great boobs – only funny when your talking about someone other than yourself.

Why I choose to rant about #Spinning, is just this … it is something that has grabbed my attention, has me going back for more, has me thinking about it when we’re apart and makes me abundantly  happy !!
#Spinning is my #gymcrack !
Everyone needs #gymcrack it’s a means to keep going, whether its overtraining your biceps so you look like the hulk, or doing slits in yoga, but find a little ray of happiness, a spot of sunshine to bask inn.
It just makes everything a little easier.
And if you are a big bear of an “endomorph” having a sleigh to pull you over the ice is just simply as brilliant as seeing a polar bear on a sleigh.

“The Brutal Kindness of Strangers”

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from the Endomorph …

Remarkably, I haven’t quit, in fact I just got back from gym ! (#goldstar)
Sundays have become one of my  days to go to gym, it real quiet and for an hour I have the floor almost to myself and thats great if you want to try out a new workout and still feel a little clumsy !
The Truth … my weight hasn’t changed that much since my last update …
The Truth … I have lost body fat and my jumpers don’t look like I am trying to find a substitute for spandex anymore!
The Truth … I would have loved the scale to say :”wow your awesome you lost pounds” but scales don’t talk they just point and point out!!
The Truth … About a week ago I burst out crying because it felt like someone had used formaldehyde on my body and I was doomed to stay the same forever !! … and then a stranger told me to pull myself towards myself and that I didn’t get fat overnight and wouldn’t get thin overnight either … brutally honest opinions from strangers can piss you off enough to keep going!
The Dare … I have promised myself that over the next two weeks I will post a report with photo’s of a much slimmer me.
I have started to really focus on what I eat with much greater clarity than before, instead of starving myself I am eating small amounts on a regular basis. I have also started taking more time to prepare food in advance instead of trying to find something adequate at a moments notice … it doesn’t work.

“a little confession”…
“forgive me Father – for I wanted to commit the sin of desperation cheating”
(enter the Endomorph)
so here goes, don’t judge me too harshly ,but …
patience has never been one of my greatest virtues and this week I sneaked down to the pharmacy to beg for some miracle pill that will take the hunger away, or kill it completely (lowering head in shame)
(enter the girl behind the counter)
“thats fine” she said, “but just let me read you a little something on the leaflet here before you start swallowing”,and she started pausing between facts with a raised eyebrow.
“Side effects !”
“May cause renal failure” (raised eyebrow)
“May cause sever dizziness and heart palpitations (raised eyebrow)
“May cause shortness of breath (eyebrow still raised )
“May cause neurological damage “(still raised)
“May cause sleeplessness and agitation “(still raised)

“So”  she said, “Whats wrong with you, I thought you wanted to be healthy and in shape and be proud of your body, ain’t no one proud when they pissing themselves and cranky !!”
“Your legs working”, she asked
“Yes mam “, I said…
“Your arms working”, she asked
“Yes mam” I said ….
“Well you ain’t gonna be needing any shit like this then!” she said
“Yes mam” I said …
I left without a quick solution and I went to gym completing my program for the day feeling grateful that in a world where we seldom meet someone who cares enough what they leave us with, someone gave a damn!
And since I have to healthy arms and legs and a (relatively) good heart, I have no right to destroy or be ungrateful for the gifts I do have.
I went for a walk this week along the beach and thought how lucky I was to walk down the beach, a healthy guy who just needed to show his belly who was boss.

I also have a new friend … those are as hard to come by as flat stomachs !

“Blood, sweat and tears”

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from the Endomorph :
the replay …

If this were a journal I think it would have to read something like this:

May 14th 2013

Traffic, strikes and a country in turmoil .
Chaos has followed me around the entire week , robbing me of my spare time, trapping me in a situation that I cannot change as
an individual, leaving me frustrated and angry!
I am not alone, I share this frustration with thousands of others.
Again in an already failing economy our entire public transportation system has been sabotaged by nationwide strikes.
Thousands of people are left stranded and battle to find their way to work and back home again.
The roads are flooded with cars and jammed from one end to the other.
A 30 min journey is taking 2 hours to complete, sometimes more.
Our governments sits back, takes little notice of the man trying to put food on his table, why should they, when they have been put there
to govern without cause.
It’s known that they are escorted during their travels with brigades of armoured cars flashing blue lights so that all must stand aside and let them pass.
Not so easy for the rest of us.
South-Africa is infected with corruption, a disease spreading so deep into her core that I doubt if she will ever be cured again.
South-Africa is dying.
Even the beautiful die. A beautiful country has collapsed, left alone to die, with no one to care for her in the last years of her life.
Most of us don’t know how, we’re not qualified.
The ones who are  qualified steal her last riches while she is down and use her weakness against her. It’s the perfect time,
the world is too busy to care. Too many countries are ill with the same infection. And unfortunately for us South-Africa does not belong to the debutantes of Europe.
She is left, no one noticing as she comes crashing down the flight of stairs. The pretty girls from the right side of the tracks steal the show, no one will help her up, eventually it will be too late.
People who no longer live here make documentaries of what a miracle the transition was. How amazing it was to see a country change it’s values. They ran from the transition though, they do not suffer with the rest of us, there is no miracle in corruption.
There is no democracy if the only change is changing the victim.
There is no democracy if the initial victim has never been healed.
There is no democracy if hate has just changed colour.
The miracle most of us wanted was just a magic trick, flawlessly executed, fooling us into believing we will become strong together, when the plan was to separate us even more.
The smart ones saw it coming and left quickly, before the world closed their doors to us.
The rest of us are sitting in traffic, wondering when the price of fuel will increase again, and how our president will spend foreign aid on his family home instead of the desperately hungry and homeless.
Then again we won’t know, because after the great “miracle” the #SECRECY ACT of South Africa prevents us talking about it.
Our leaders have convinced the world that they are now looking after their own, that we are singing and dancing hand in hand in the street, the rest is a secret to everyone.
My friend from Zimbabwe tells me their country had caught the same kind of flu many years ago for which there was no cure until the day of her death.
Make a documentary about that miss Theron and Bishop Tutu.
Tell the world how we have come together as a nation, together in our equal neglect, our equal desperation, our equal devastation.
Tell them from your home in Miami and your lounge on the hill.
Another magic trick! Forget to interview the man and woman living in an informal settlement, still living there since the “miracle”,
still without running water, still without a toilet , still without a school, a doctor or bed.
Show me the miracle of this while we are standing in a road lined with homes made from garbage and scrap, and I will show you
a magic trick too…
but this is not a journal, this is a blog about fitness, so whats my point.
Point is … fuckers robbed me of my gym time and it was virtually impossible to get to do something that ads meaning to my life because of the ripple effect caused by my current every day situation.

fast forward …

I get that all the “super-hero’s” say fitness is the mentality to create time to accommodate a dedicated lifestyle.
I failed terribly at this, I could barley manage to accommodate brushing my teeth never mind my fitness routine.
They never tell you what to do when that happens in the “body for life” and “super abs in 60 second” books.
I was going strong, and then I just couldn’t get to gym.
Did I gain a pound. Perhaps I did.
Did I suffer the wrath of the gym gods, n0 I didn’t !
Things happen to normal people.
The blood, sweat and tears we spend just getting through the average day is enough to show us that we are not quitters!
We are already dedicated to the impossible, SURVIVAL!
So I have to go to gym on a Sunday to catch up, same as working late to catch up.
So I lost a day or two and ate inconsistently, but those were the circumstances, and that was the best I managed to do.
The one thing I have learned from excepting a glitch here and there is that it is easier to get back into balance as soon as things even out a bit.
When the ocean is rough you can’t fish.
When life is rough you can’t always get to gym.
Try and restore the balance (***note to self) first by calming yourself down,
this will have better results when your working out anyway!
However fess up and grow a pair, don’t just walk away forever, a few days or a week is not forever!
As “Dori” says in #Finding Nemo “JUST KEEP SWIMMING!”
There is a truth to gym, and life and dieting that we should never forget,
“FALL DOWN 7 TIMES, GET UP 8!! “,
Sorry it’s not the secret to getting abs in 60 seconds that I just dedicated to myself more than any one else here, but perhaps I have talked myself into getting my ass back on the treadmill today and getting back to beating that unsightly bulge that makes flying coach even more terrible than …. well flying coach !

“Just keep swimming dudes!”

“Hair Fitness”

Have your hair professionally cut

Have your hair professionally cut

the "one" I chose !

the “one” I chose !

"short sides high top, thin face!"

“short sides high top, thin face!”

"sharp and business like!"

“sharp and business like!”

"ruggedly sporty but still neat"

“ruggedly sporty but still neat”

"casual and strong"

“casual and strong”

from the “Endomorph”

I have lost a few cm’s around the waist over the past month, but as for some “Endomorphs” I loos weight at a particularly
slow rate.
So one of the deepest pot-holes in the road to fitness freedom for an endomorph is that change is sometimes visually slow.
That is why I have suggested in a previous post that it could help to spruce up ones wardrobe as an added motivational tool.
I fall into potholes like this quite easily depending on my energy levels and mood.
So it is not surprising that after enduring an extremely stressful weekend at work (I am a retailer) I felt the onset of bad temperament and despondency , actually I was just plain tired.
I had to work pretty much around the clock as we had staff issues and I had to fill the gap. The result was that I couldn’t get to gym for a couple of days and a couple became 4 very quickly.
The only saving grace that I had by this point is I maintained a healthy diet as regimentally as possible, and managed not to meet a burger along the way, which would have been a very convenient dietary solution.
A friend suggested I get a haircut to jump start the engines, and just to pamper myself.
I have never spent much time on “hair fashion” and pretty much kept it manageable and that was about it.
So I thought I’d give it a go and sauntered down to a local professional hair salon.
…enter Bianca…
The first thing my stylist called Bianca wanted to know from me is if I had any pictures of the style and colour I wanted.
My expression blanked…
I was used to just getting a “whatever is quick” haircut and had not much worried about the colour.
Bianca pointed out that since I was not 22 anymore a lot of fine grey hair had sprouted … somehow.
She also pointed out that since I had spent very little time in the sun of late that my hair was void of any natural highlights that the natural dark blond was even darker and that with the grey I was looking quit bland and tired… I agreed.
So we decided to rejuvenate the colour to a much lighter blond with darker tones and while the foils were being done and we waited for the colour to take, I hit up google for some styles. I found just by typing “top mens hairstyles for 2013” you’d easily get to pages filled with  the latest trends and best styles.
I particularly liked GQ’s advice on mens hairstyles and chose on that I thought I could pull off.
Now this is tricky for the reason that GQ models all seem to have squarely etched jaw lines and high cheekbones, and great hair, which mean that they could pretty much put a flowerpot on their head and spray paint it yellow and still look hot.
I have thick wavy hair and an oval face that is still working hard to produce the lack of a double chin and the appearance of cheek bones.
Sooooo, even though I find that most of the men’s hair styles for 2013 are actually quite nice and sharp looking, a lot sport an extremely short side and high top or sleeked back look.
The “endomorph” who is still loosing weight needs to be careful not to go too short as to overexpose the face, it is good to keep some focus on the length and try to visually slim down the face.
I chose a style with this in mind, as to be in keeping with the trend but a little longer on the fringe and sides with a sporty all over feel more rugby than footy as “Bianca” called it which I thought was quite funny.
I also received a quick lesson “free” of the difference between professional hair care products and the “off the shelf” itchy scalp kind. If you can invest in professional products a little at a time goes a long way and for the older “endomorph” has great advantages like a reduction in hair-loss and proper protection against dandruff (always gross, your not a Zamboni) as well as keeping hair shiny for longer.
Google products or ask your stylist, they are hair doctors after all !
When my hair was all done and “GHD’d” I was actually speechless. I looked years younger and …slimmer !!
I felt better about life.
I felt better about my body.
I felt motivated to get back to gym so that I would look even better the next time round and …
I am a visual delight !
My conclusion and the point to writing an entire “blab” about hair is that fitness is not simply about the body and loosing wight.
It is also an “AWARENESS”.
It is important to be aware that fitness touches the psyche, that by paying  attention to something left to chance you can inspire a whole new beginning.
Fitness is about pampering the body and the spirit. Rest when you are tired but keep focused.
I have learned that even if your face is not a chiselled marvel of design, you can still pay attention to the appearance of your hair, and this
has another kind of kickback…. PEOPLE NOTICE , and all of a sudden they notice you look a little more fit and then your mind interprets this as …. wait for it ……
I AM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT !!!
There is no better motivation for persistence than a mind that BELIEVES what it is doing is right !!

We are all GQ men just waiting to happen to the world and ourselves.
And Ima gonna get back to gym today !

“Bitter Chocolate”

from the “Endomorph:”

It has been exactly one month since I dragged myself out of my lazy bearish hibernation and off to the gym.
I went hoping to change my body and alter my badly overweight condition.
So today I took some new photo’s wearing exactly the same shirt in the same gym.
Thank God there has been a little shape change otherwise I would through myself from a building.
I still struggle looking at the images of myself as they seem so alien so distant from what I thought I looked like.
I still can’t help thinking , “how did that happen”, and “is that really me?”
Yet the pictures don’t lie – it really is me! (and I don’t mean it in the “wow, what a spectacular specimen kind of way more like the “blegh,
I stepped barefoot on a slug” kind of way !)

When your body is drastically bloated out of proportion change seems to happen in the most torturously slow kind of way.
This is a danger-zone for any Endomorph, and a very big danger zone for someone like me who has very limited patience for just about anything other than my dog. I am a control freak, insecure and mostly demand instant gratification.
These are not the characteristics one really needs to accomplish success in the gym. (or really in the broader spectrum of life)
The lesson here is that training and reshaping will probably teach you a couple of things about yourself.
For me (on a personal level) it is that any change comes at the price of giving up one action for another.
You cannot always have your cake and eat it.
“Literally this isn’t working for me – I had a piece of cake today because I didn’t want to offend anyone – and my body is rejecting it like
mind rejects the colour combination yellow and green.”
I feel shaky , nauseous and have incredible heart burn –
Could it be that my body prefers the splendour of salmon and salad???
Death by chocolate mouse is exactly how I am feeling right now!
If you told me this 3 months ago I would have told you that your on crack.
Even going to gym has become a simpler task and I dare to say I am almost looking forward to it now.
Looking at these pictures I also cannot deny that no man should be sporting “moobs” the size of mine.
It just isn’t right to have bigger boobs than the girls down at hooters!
And if a “drag queen” tells you she wish she had your breasts, you know you have hit an all time body fat low.
This happened to me, and I am struggling to see the positive side of a compliment like that, even when it wasn’t really meant from a place of ill intent.
I sorta have to admit that I would rather one day have some random dude tell me I have a great chest.
I don’t know if it is possible to reduce the size of my “moobs” through training,
but I have promised myself that if I achieve a certain weight again and they are still bouncing around, I’d go under the knife.
It is the one thing that has always bothered me about my body and if I have the chance to do something about it with the assistance of surgery, I wouldn’t hesitate.
“Moobs” are a horror to straight men and gay men alike.
Research has shown that a lot of the time it is genetic and sometimes it’s just fat.
I believe my “moobs” are genetic since a had them even when I was virtually “manorexic!”
It suck’s to have “moobs”, there is nothing hot about a guy with breasts and it can lead to hurtful comments even when made in jest,
I have heard them all!
So not only am I on a mission to change the incredibly bloated shape of my body,
but I am on a mission to fight a life long embarrassing condition that I am now really just fed up with.
I guess that means today a wished farewell to baked goods.
For now chocolate flavoured protein bars will have to be the sweet treat to my week !
"Endomorphs Metamorphosis" "Endomorphs Metamorphosis" "Endomorphs Metamorphosis" "Endomorphs Metamorphosis"

“Swim Style”

"What's in your shorts"

“What’s in your shorts”

"Whats in your shorts"

“Whats in your shorts”

"Whats in your shorts"

“Whats in your shorts”

If I had to pic a sim-style for the coming summer, I will definitely put “2Eros” new “Icon Swim-shorts” at the top of my list.
I love the bold colours  , the almost retro style and the attention to detail. The colour pops in the rope ties and edging is awesome.
It is also a more discreet way to draw attention to a body under construction. In swimwear “less is definitely not always more” (unless you are sporting the physique of the model in the pics)
It is great that fashion companies are giving us some great options in casual comfortable swimwear.
Check out “2Eros” website for more styles, and great undies @ www.2eros.com