the sunshine state of mind

from the endomorph:

keeping up a strict routine at gym is about as hard as walking on eggs …
no one will ever be able to tell me any different.
even on days i absolutely love going, the mission of going home, getting dressed and going back out can be an obstacle, especially when it is that cold outside and for some reason you seem to own a lot more gym shorts than sweat pants.
yet i have managed to bite down on the complaints and stepped up to stepping out.

i have dropped two pants sizes and lost about 15kg now with 20%BF – thats body fat … not boyfriend … as i am not sure
how one accurately measures that.
all of a sudden people here and there are saying … oh my you’ve lost weight … thank God … means it’s working i guess.
but oh the little sins in the kitchen … i am still battling with those a bit.
i can kill off a block of cheese faster than a possessed mouse of steroids.
and the late night craving for sommit sweet, why always at 11pm ??
i think there is an invisible fairy in my house that comes out at night sprinkling sweet fairy dust all over my senses.
how stupid we are to tell ourselves it’s ok to cheat a little here and there because tomorrow we will be back at gym working up a sweat and working out the chocolate of the night before.

this is just another vicious cycle that i like to create for myself.
investing in something that is hard work to obtain something that i really want without the effort of sticking to the rules.
a good body starts when you are not at gym …. thats what “they” all say.
and i know in my deepest lindt chocolate tormented heart that it is the truth.
it probably also isn’t as hard as the walk from my car in em shorties through the wind and rain to the very confusing revolving door of my gym.
(i always seem to make it stop when i am on the inside momentarily turning me into living art – tis the blond of my nature)

how to break the cycle … i don’t know yet … and will keep you up to date if i find something that works, a method or a spell.
perhaps it will just be admitting to myself that it is pointless to do one and not the other, perhaps i will acknowledge that now is probably the time to start, to try even a little harder than i have done before.
that saying no is not as much effort as an hour on the treadmill, and that an hour on the treadmill will be better spent loosing another kg than keeping off on that may have been gained the night before.

i would like to loose another 10kg’s before the summer. i have about 3 months to achieve this goal and the one thing i am very proud of is the fact that i still have a goal.
the other thing that i am very proud of is the fact that lately i am starting to do these things for myself, the focus has shifted from making someone else happy to finding a little warm place in the sun where i can just stretch out and be a little more of what there is behind the veil of a person i have been pretending to be.
there is nothing wrong with pretending for a while, if we have to do this to survive. i would have to guess one just needs to know when the time has come to lift the veil so that we won’t find ourselves lost in an act that just is to hard to turn back on.

i am guessing  that my time has come.
to keep looking back is going to make going forward a lot harder.
even if the sun is in your eyes, it will eventually be above you in the perfect place, merely shining down on you.
for now it might be good to squint a little, to walk straight into it, leaving the shadows behind.

the best part of this is that the sun comes out everyday and that it is never to late for any endomorph to start crawling, walking, running.
we are all champions to ourselves and being our own super-hero might just be the best rescuing act of our lives.

good luck .
to all
and
good luck … to me.

Rhino’s Rest

from the endomorph:

winter has come to cape-town as quickly as the year has come to the end of it’s 5th month.
i am definitely not the best blogger in the universe, but sometimes it is better to say something worth saying than just saying anything at all.
where my updates as a blogger has lagged, i have gained memento at gym … i.o.w i am still going with the frequency one would expect from a naggy  whiney “endomorphic” blogger.

i have cardio’ed and weighted at 5am in the morning if i could not go in the afternoons, taken on the cold and dark of winter like a herculean champion.
with results i might add!
i have halved my body fat, managed to waste 15kg thus far and best of all … managed to deflate my little puffer fish face in to a mor recognisable form.
i have gathered from friends that it now looks less like i may be in need of a training bra to keep my moons from jiggling !
oh the boobie battle !!
i am sure any girl half my age would kill for a set like mine, but i personally could do without the garbo cleavage.

even though i have had to dig old jeans out of the “never to be forgotten” part of my closet and have had an awesome plumbers crack in some of my newer pairs, i must admit to still having a little “sumo” going on around the waist and moob area.
somewhere between 33 & 35 my body seems to have lost the ability to burn off that sexy kangaroo pouch in the front.
it looks like i have been coupon hoarding around my stomach for the last 5 years and now my endomorphic body is slightly less willing to clear out the basement of stacked shelves just in case we need to go into hiding for armageddon.
sadly there is no quick cure for a flabby abbies,
let me narrow down your searches and save you millions in miracle cures …
for endomorphic midriff destruction – 1mm at a time – you will have to do a combination of hi intensity cardio in combination with weight training and erm… intermittent starvation … kill me now for saying that … seems it really is true … not eating sporadically for about 12 hours seems to really work (should you also be crazzzzzy enough t0 do this for a month or a couple of weeks please have at least to meal replacement shakes somewhere throughout the day. this will prevent fainting, fatigue and most likely violence directed toward others)

the other horror to loosing a fat belly may be hidden in the most dreaded of all workouts … “legday”.
“legday” will not only tighten your tusch,  it will also flatten your flab.
exercising legs will get to your core, one notices this quite easily just by the amount you sweat, it’s like being glued on a stationary bike from hell.
but … for me … it works !
i call “legday” the gym’s condom … kills the sexy … proves effective!

besides hopefully when we get all ripped and toned one day we will hopefully have the legs to match our biceps so that we may be able to avoid looking like someone has gone to sit on the edge of a cheap inflatable pool .
i am not a big legs man, for me it’s all in the arms but nothing kills a stiffie like spotting a hottie that’s all muscly on top, veiny and buff, and then you glance downward and he has your polio cousin moira’s legs.
so many of them at my gym … so strange … it’s like building a magnificent house in the right neighbourhood and then filling the garden with tortured little gnomes.

still … i should not point a finger … since i have spent most of the past two years looking like a badly drawn boy.
what i have to show for it is endless hour spent at work, and a repertoire of endless series watched from season 1 – infinity …
i would have rather been muscly on top !

yet we are the endomorphs, powerhouses of slow determination, when we get going we ar like rhino’s
nothing can stop us from horning our way trough thorny bushes and difficult days.
we are a force unto ourselves –
we storm our victories, hit our goals with shattering force … be we pissed off enough !

this year for me so far has been strained with emotion, hard truths and inner conflict.
connecting with my body has been a fantastic challenge.
yet when all the muddy water is cleared and you can find a place to see through the surface there is a place of hope in everything.
tears will dry away.
a broken heart will mend.
and a neglected body will rebuild itself.
all these things are workouts of a different kind, but we must do the work.
none of them happen by themselves, nothing ever does, it’s the law of nature, everything needs something to grow.

this is a note to myself more than to anyone else …
but if someone else is moved by this …
then I am happy. IMG_3934 IMG_3935

“spin me thin”

From the Endomorph:

photo(53)

Read it and weep … I am still going to gym …
The last pics I took all cam out a little blurry, think there might have been a few drops of sweat on the lens.
Anyway, I have been keeping (mostly) to my program and a couple of weeks ago, I started to get fed up with the same treadmill marathon that I had been in each day and decided to get on a bike ….
I hated it that first day, it was hell!!
As most chance meetings go, you may not quite be into the nose of the person that is sitting opposite you, or they may be brunette when you really only like blonds etc, but then after the second or third meeting you start having conversations with that person in your head, and start wondering what they would think of something you like and secretly you start hoping that they would like it too even thought they don’t have a nose like a button or dared to be brunette when you like blond.
Well that was my meeting with the stationary bike and cycling – a bicycle that you pedal and doesn’t move. A bicycle that makes you sweat harder than the poor sods that slapped together the pyramids of Giza and has you so aware of your out of shape, knee hitting stomach that you are tempted to un-saddle and commit Hari-Kiri right there by shoving a protein bar in your eye.
Still the oddest thing happened … I fell hopelessly in love with this no-wheeled machine of torture!
I can’t wait till it’s (what I now call it at home) #Spinning Time !!
I am currently on an hour per session and own a pair of red inner bicycle pants ! (Real men wear spandex you judgemental bastards)
Fine only ever wear bicycle shorts out in public if you are actually intending to get on some sort of bicycle within 30min of putting them on, otherwise it really is quite weird, verging on creepy and plain wrong.
Still, the are great if you have a bony ass and your gonna sit pedalling for an hour straight! Saves you from looking like you have Elephantitis in your balls the following day !
And my legs… Lord I got me some pretty man-sticks all of a sudden !!

I started using HIIT in combination with my workout and it definitely helps  to target that stubborn “endomorph” belly fat –
I think I actually look a little odd at the moment, my stomach is a lot smaller and even my “moons” a little but now I seem sort of awkwardly built and even more out of proportion than before!
I really hop that this is not a permanent and lasting shape but one that will even out eventually- please God !
Otherwise I will be known as the guy with the hot legs and great boobs – only funny when your talking about someone other than yourself.

Why I choose to rant about #Spinning, is just this … it is something that has grabbed my attention, has me going back for more, has me thinking about it when we’re apart and makes me abundantly  happy !!
#Spinning is my #gymcrack !
Everyone needs #gymcrack it’s a means to keep going, whether its overtraining your biceps so you look like the hulk, or doing slits in yoga, but find a little ray of happiness, a spot of sunshine to bask inn.
It just makes everything a little easier.
And if you are a big bear of an “endomorph” having a sleigh to pull you over the ice is just simply as brilliant as seeing a polar bear on a sleigh.

“Be Breakfast Smart”

from the Endomorph:
I never used to eat anything in the morning,
in fact I used to be quite proud of the fact that I could stay without any breakfast until almost lunch time.

I thought this would also categorise me as a small eater and you should loose weight when you skip a meal like breakfast right ??…
Wrong…
Skipping breakfast is probably the worst thing an Endomorph can do!! As it is we are like bears coming out of hibernation when we first wake up, because our metabolism is so slow. It is like trying to start an oversized antique diesel engine …. and now try starting it without any fuel !
That is exactly the problem – the metabolism stays shut down when the Endomorph refrains from adding fuel to the Engine = no metabolism = no burn = no energy = no weight loss – in fact … your body might actually try and push fat into hard to reach places because it is fooled into thinking that it will need storage due to pending starvation … say hello to a beer gut even if you don’t drink and ……..MAN BOOBS (aka moobs) the breakfast deprived body of an endomorph will push fat straight into the chest, because the chest muscles are so small and the least of the bodies metabolic action is concentrated in the chest.
If you really read up on muscle function you will see that “moobs” are like two litte fat silo’s under the neck and that if you are a slow burner you gotta really work at all the areas surrounding your “moobs” to burn the fat stored.

I carry most of my fat storage on my “moobs” and stomach and strangely most research shows that HIIT cardio along with weight training is more effective at getting rid of these little body snags than any diet alone.
I have actually now been converted to believe that there is no such thing as an effective diet, I hate the word ! I believe that the best diet is, not to diet but to be “food smart” …. you need to eat to loose weight !
So since the beginning of this month I have been “breakfast smart” and it started off real rocky, shaky and bumpy !
You have to find something you like to eat in the morning …. and something you like to MAKE in the morning. Making breakfast takes time … and if your a slow morning person ya aint gonna be flipping omelettes every morning, sometimes you can just fit in a bowl of oats and a bit of fruit and that is still 1 million  times the power of #no-breakfast.
#note … main stream cereals with animations on pretty coloured fun filled boxes are no good for breakfast especially if you are trying to loose fat , they are sugary sweet fat-traps , no matter how high in fibre the tell you they are, have way too much oestrogen and preservatives … you unfortunately have to be a little more inventive – even a piece of steak and 2 egg whites make a better breakfast than a bowl of , off the shelf serial!! (unless your 13 and burning fat at the temperature of the sun)
This morning I had a owl of oats with a banana and blueberries – cooked it in 5 min ate it in 3 , still had time to shave!
Interestingly enough – if you want to know why oats are good and a slow release energy food – leave your empty bowl unwashed for a while and see how long it takes you to get it clean later … like forever – not even water softens it up , it’s like cement! Same in your stomach, slow to digest but not heavy on digestion, low in fat + high in fibre and energy ! Follow with a protein shake , no milk mix with water and you got yourself a “super smart breakfast”.
If you have time to cook a steak – thats amazing – I’ll be right over !
Alternatively boil 3 eggs the night before – peel – strip the yolk – shop a red and yellow mini pepper – and bingo another great breakfast – on my menu for tomorrow morning !
So eat up Endomorphs – eat – burn – eat – burn – workout – trim up !
If this fatty can pull it off – so can you xoxo

“The Brutal Kindness of Strangers”

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from the Endomorph …

Remarkably, I haven’t quit, in fact I just got back from gym ! (#goldstar)
Sundays have become one of my  days to go to gym, it real quiet and for an hour I have the floor almost to myself and thats great if you want to try out a new workout and still feel a little clumsy !
The Truth … my weight hasn’t changed that much since my last update …
The Truth … I have lost body fat and my jumpers don’t look like I am trying to find a substitute for spandex anymore!
The Truth … I would have loved the scale to say :”wow your awesome you lost pounds” but scales don’t talk they just point and point out!!
The Truth … About a week ago I burst out crying because it felt like someone had used formaldehyde on my body and I was doomed to stay the same forever !! … and then a stranger told me to pull myself towards myself and that I didn’t get fat overnight and wouldn’t get thin overnight either … brutally honest opinions from strangers can piss you off enough to keep going!
The Dare … I have promised myself that over the next two weeks I will post a report with photo’s of a much slimmer me.
I have started to really focus on what I eat with much greater clarity than before, instead of starving myself I am eating small amounts on a regular basis. I have also started taking more time to prepare food in advance instead of trying to find something adequate at a moments notice … it doesn’t work.

“a little confession”…
“forgive me Father – for I wanted to commit the sin of desperation cheating”
(enter the Endomorph)
so here goes, don’t judge me too harshly ,but …
patience has never been one of my greatest virtues and this week I sneaked down to the pharmacy to beg for some miracle pill that will take the hunger away, or kill it completely (lowering head in shame)
(enter the girl behind the counter)
“thats fine” she said, “but just let me read you a little something on the leaflet here before you start swallowing”,and she started pausing between facts with a raised eyebrow.
“Side effects !”
“May cause renal failure” (raised eyebrow)
“May cause sever dizziness and heart palpitations (raised eyebrow)
“May cause shortness of breath (eyebrow still raised )
“May cause neurological damage “(still raised)
“May cause sleeplessness and agitation “(still raised)

“So”  she said, “Whats wrong with you, I thought you wanted to be healthy and in shape and be proud of your body, ain’t no one proud when they pissing themselves and cranky !!”
“Your legs working”, she asked
“Yes mam “, I said…
“Your arms working”, she asked
“Yes mam” I said ….
“Well you ain’t gonna be needing any shit like this then!” she said
“Yes mam” I said …
I left without a quick solution and I went to gym completing my program for the day feeling grateful that in a world where we seldom meet someone who cares enough what they leave us with, someone gave a damn!
And since I have to healthy arms and legs and a (relatively) good heart, I have no right to destroy or be ungrateful for the gifts I do have.
I went for a walk this week along the beach and thought how lucky I was to walk down the beach, a healthy guy who just needed to show his belly who was boss.

I also have a new friend … those are as hard to come by as flat stomachs !

“The dark stare of the gym-gods”


from the Endomorph:
Nothing is more sad than weighing inn after a month and finding your weight is exactly, I mean to the decimal of where it was before.
It feels as if someone has stuck a hypodermic needle in my stomach and filled it with formaldehyde !
It also feels as if the gym gods have turned their backs on me and have dropped me in some kind of sick state of suspended animation.
I have not lost a single ounce of weight over the past month.
I have cut out sugars,
milk,
bread,
cheese,
fries,
SODA,
and still …. nothing ??
It’s almost heartbreaking to me, even if I weighed in at 2kg’s lighter, I would have been less disheartened !
What now,
do I simply stop all of this, except my fate and walk away !!
I have done that my entire life …. accepted things and walked away.
I accepted abuse as a young adult and lived with it for 10 years before I finally did something about it.
I have walked away from opportunities than I can count because I had no faith in myself or the world around me.
I have given up on so many things and so many people in my life that it can easily said that I have given up on myself.

In the instance where a parent turns away from us, or a spouse severely abuses us, perhaps we can place the blame for a very short time in the hands of another.
However when we just give over to the “FEELING” of defeat and walk away from opportunity because we are not looking for another way to achieve out goals, then there is no where to put the blame but in our own hands.
I don’t want to walk away from something I believe in for once just because it hasn’t turned out exactly the way I intended for it to do.
The condition that my body is currently in is the result of lifestyle choices I have made over the past couple of years, something I did to myself.
I should know better than most that abuse inflicted on the human body cannot be undone in the single space of a month where the neglect suffered continued for such an extensive period of time.
I didn’t look after my diet for at least 36 months.
I ate without consequence and drank about 8 litres of “Coke Zero” on an average day.
I poisoned myself, and now…. I am angry about it, and don’t get why the weight is not just melting away like ice.
I have little option but to seek penance in the eyes of the “gym-gods” and hope at some point of time perseverance and dedication will pay off.
I am not going to just give up so easily this time.
Walking away from fitness means turning my back on myself, on hope for myself and most likely a better life.

” Back to Basics ” free yourself mentally.

lucas-malvacini-by-leo-castro-0

from the “Endomorph”

Time goes quick, burning fat on the other hand not so quick.
I have two days to go before checking in for my second BMI take down.
I am hoping for a positive de4crease in my overall body fat, because I have worked really hard to maintain a 
goal orientated approach.
I read something great the other day on bodybuilding.com, that read something like this…
“you wouldn’t normally just get into a car without having a destination in mind, why then would
you go to gym without having a goal or destination in mind.”
This had a huge impact on me personally because I recognised that my goals or destination was not clearly set out for myself.
I wanted to loose weight, build muscle, diet , become strong , become fit, change my body image, change , change , change.
It was almost too much information and I was running around the gym from weights, to machines to treadmills trying to incorporate everything I have read online and in my various fitness guides and it has been a little mad and … desperate.

Desperation is a pothole …. pull yourself towards yourself , find a quiet place in your mind and focus on something specific . 
I cannot say if this changes for people who have trained for years and for “superhero’s” but I can imagine that it would be easier to break up tasks the more accomplished you are at something and that it would be easier to set numerous goals at once.
I can do this in business, because I have done it for years and can split my goals on a daily basis and mostly manage to achieve them.
In regards to fitness and gym, this “endomorph” is a newbie and had to (on a personal level for my character) regroup myself  
and re-asses the areas that I wanted to be “focus-specific” and goal orientated. 

For me this was a mentally quieter place and an easier approach to training.
I have decided to place my immediate focus on reducing the size of my stomach. Simply that.
I found that I could do this through a combination of cardio and weight training. 
And since I am not built like “The Rock”, I also found that I do not need to do 5000 different exercises to keep my not so clued up body guessing!
I just had to do learn the basic techniques first, just like a dancer needs to learn the basic footwork ! Everything in life that anyone has ever mastered started off with the basics, remember school and the ABC songs = basics!!
I am not fit, so basic cardio is a great place for me.
I am not muscular, so basic weight training is great for me. 
The advantage to getting to know the basics is that you will discover things about yourself and your body. 
For instance , I have discovered that my calves are particularly weak but I can bench press like a son-of-a-bitch. (not always bad being built like a rhino) 
I also like walking on the treadmill apposed to running which kill my ankles and this is not the end of the world since I still manage to increase my heart rate substantially by increasing the incline and speed to almost the point of a slow jog. 

The best thing about learning the basics is that you get to increase your skill . I you take the madness out of an activity it becomes calming and fun!
FUN … yep that’s right … FUN !!! 
For me a 30 min H.I walk has become fun, simply because for 30 mins I get to put a pair of headphones in my ears and I get to pretend the world around me is perfect. Even when things are too much on the outside , after 5 mins of just turning up the volume and working to feel that first blast of perspiration filled heat , I star to clear my mind of all the shit that I get to worry about later.
This has been another goal for me , to just relax for an hour a day , and if this means staying on the treadmill for an hour then thats what I do.
Goal = accomplished .

Please don’t misunderstand (*not to self more than anyone else) what I am trying to say. 
You still need to push yourself and you still need to move the goalpost a little further each time you go to gym , there is enough 
concrete evidence from fitness experts around the world that has proven this is the only way to achieve success! I am saying that for someone who has made the mental shift to get his ass out the house and to the gym for the first time or for the millionth time, don’t ruin it by going mental .
Think clearly and positively.
I also had to realise that I’ma not gonna look like “The Rock” in 12 weeks !
This is ok because I will be a more relaxed 30 something with less grey hair and a smaller stomach !