from the Endomorph :
The mirror might be one of mans cruelest inventions when you are not the worlds most pragmatic narcissist.
If you dare to venture a little beyond the sensible relationship with your reflection i.e combing your hair or straightening a tie , you could easily find yourself in a spot of trouble.
I have recently stood completely naked in front of my mirror, looking beyond the large white swollen shape that faced me to see if I could find a reason beyond the surface for my appearance.
It sounds very philosophical, but really it’s not.
Every single diet program and fad that I have spent small fortunes on, neglect to mention the bodies connection to the inner physical state and relation to the state of spirit.
I didn’t have to be a yogi to realise mine was out of whack and that the outer probably reflected some of the turmoil that I was feeling physically and spiritually on the inside.
Wiser men than I have claimed that the eyes are the passage to the soul.
In my naivety toward life’s greater mysteries, I beg to differ!
I believe that the body is a reflection of the soul. Almost as if we are a living sarcophagus to a very delicate energy. The better the shape of the energy, the better the shape of the box.
Anyone may disagree, but for me personally this was my “ready”.
After that things became a little bit more complicated and I had to deal with a minor panic attack that included acknowledging :
my weight – a staggering 95kg or 209.43 pounds ! and I measure 5’8
my diet – bad, processed, addicted to Coke Zero (not a diet drink – there is no such thing)
my age – oi vey not 21 and cute anymore
my relationship with myself – mostly angry
my relationship with others – mostly angry
my relationship with my body – none
my relationship with food – comfort
my relationship with stress – blinding
my relationship with inner will – weak
my relationship with change – good God freak out completely!
acknowledging that I have a problem – little slow on the uptake!
mental and nervous breakdown – almost there.
Yet somehow I managed to take a deep breath stand back and in a small “lightbulb” moment realised that for me there was very little to loose when it came down to choosing change as the “nightmarish” and most probable option to proceed.
This was my “steady” moment !
My “go” moment, was to pack a mental bag with little bits of tattered determinations, faded knowledge and unpolished ambition.
So I admitted my addiction to myself – Coke Zero – I have been clean for almost 3 months now and if I hold out I will dedicate and entire post to this.
I joined the gym – for the 1 millionth time in my life !
I introduced myself to my metabolism and found out what makes me such a square.
So here goes:
“Hello my name is …. and I am and Endomorph.”
I took some pictures of myself at the gym – that I will post here, small face blur, we don’t have to plaster ourselves all over the internet all at once!
I choose to post these body pics as a measure of inspiration, not for others, but for myself, hoping that that age old dignity thing will kick in to first gear at some point and keep me on the very narrow path of change.
I would like to write about my journey as an Endomorph.
Prove to myself that it is possible to change my physical appearance, that I do possess determination and can “will” the world around me.
So here goes …. everything!